Twilight of Life

Thursday July 7, 2005

The days pass in a blur of computer screens, telephone calls and packing boxes.

I look for houses and use Microsoft Streets and Trips for giving my wife turn by turn directions, and then another one bites the dust.

She returned to Albuquerque on Sunday, having left the boy over on Lake Michigan with a friend of his. Since the friend came home early, I was the designated driver to head on over and pick him up.

For whatever reason, I don't get out the door easy. There always seems to be a bit of this, a little of that, bills to pay or whatever, before I can leave the house.

Thursday was no exception, and I left about 6pm keeping an eye on the sky as dusk approached.

I figured that I'd take a detour over to Grand Haven and try and catch the sunset since it looked promising, and it was.

The next day we headed north to my parents where we spent a couple of days visiting with them and my brother who has flown in from Norway for 3 weeks.

The stress in the house at times was thick and I took relief by spending some time jumping into the rather chilly waters out in Grand Traverse Bay.

I headed on home Sunday because it was time.

Tomorrow morning I head out to Phoenix and make a quick turn around to get to Albuquerque. Plans have changed so frequently that I don't know what iteration I am on these days, but one thing I do know is that I need to find a place to live in Albuquerque, and quickly.

That just may happen tomorrow.

So I fly out after hearing that my mother's white blood cell count is down to zero, yep that's zero and her immune system has been trashed with a combination of chemo and steroids. Tonight when we talked she told me that she will not have another round of treatment, that she is ready for this to be over.

She told me about her plans for the funeral.

I listened with some kind of disconnected emotion going on.

She told me that she wanted no one to come on over from Europe for her funeral, which might just include my spouse and 2 kids, since they will be there in August.

Actually, it makes sense to me, and it reminded me of a saying that my brother mentioned the other day...

"We throw flowers to the dead and crap on the living."

That's right, makes no sense at all.