Still Standing

November 28, 2006


That thought has a couple of items of significance today, first of which is that there are only 2 more days in the HoJo or whatever this write every day thing is called. Although I may not have written every day in November, at least I did keep a photo journal and posted either there or here this whole time.

I didn't think I'd have an easy internet connection at my daughter's and thought I'd go bust over the weekend, but alas, the opportunity to write was still there.

Tomorrow however, I'm trumpeting that the end is near, and then on the final day, even the Saints will dance with delight that it's all over.

But the other thing about still standing is that I am, and a business friend of mine is not.

I'm kind of bummed but it was no surprise to me.

What surprised me both now and when I last had conversations with M was the fact that I seemed to have little empathy for his battle with depression, especially since I've been so there, almost done that.

He killed himself back in October and I just found out yesterday.

Our relationship was centered on business, for we met when I went to work for the one year at the evil empire and he was one of the agents assigned to work with me.

He liked my style so much that when I left "management" and was independent like him, he asked me to work on his largest client. We did and I think about a third of my income last year was attributed to that work.

But M had problems, and it might have been a mid-life thing that had him change careers in the first place, leaving a six figure job for the shot of the commission yo-yo.

The string on his broke and left him busted.

Then his wife up and left him.

I remember when she moved out, he was very distressed, tears welling up in his eyes as he talked about it on our drives to see the mutual client.

I don't know why though, but somehow I got the overall impression that he was weak and needy, and then sometime in the next couple of months he confessed that he also had a problem with alcohol.

We never really had any contact outside of the business relationship.

M married late in life and there were no kids in the mix. I think the spouse (quite a bit younger- like 10 or 15 years) just decided she had enough and couldn't float the boat by herself.

Add into the mix a lawsuit by a disgruntled client that might have caused future problems for M and I guess it all looked impossible.

I was told that as soon as the divorce was final he killed himeslf.

I don't know about you, but that seems weak to me. Weak and needy, and a nasty guilt trip to lay on someone, regardless of what her part was in the whole thing.

M was 48.

There is something about middle age that just seems to creep up and smack you in the head.

Some duck and miss the swing, others get hit and get back up. What's especially sad is when you hit yourself, and that's the end.

I understand it but it's still a very sad thing.