You Tell Me

May 6, 2004

So what's up?

You gonna build a new nest or what?

You tell me and we'll both know

Two weeks ago today I got a phone call after the second round of interviews was over and it went like this....

"Well, all the interviews are done.""Great, How'd it go?"

"Fine, except at the last minute one glitch showed up."

"A glitch, what glitch?"

"The told me in the last interview that there was another candidate. She is coming in for an interview next week. I was told that I would be called in 2 to three weeks and told if I got the job or not."

[insert sinking feeling here]

And so, for the last two weeks I've been struggling with the funk, with the "what if" with the "I'm sick of all this waiting..." etc.

And when things get funky, I tend to get silent.

And I've also been reading a bit here and there. And the journals on the web came through again, with a touch of reality and perspective. Two writers in particular spoke to me as they struggle with their own issues. I read as one writer I have followed for years fights with cancer and slogs through a medical swamp waiting to see what treatment will work and when.

Meanwhile, another writer is at home in Alaska while her husband waits alone in Tucson, waiting to see if his heart is being rejected by his body, or whether his new medicines will kick in and allow him to regain his strength.

So I said to my self, "stop whining and get on with life, do all that you can do within the framework of waiting."

And that's that.

We wait, and I hope. But we also know that if it's not supposed to happen, railing against the cosmos won't do any good.

All of the waiting however, is taking place within the context of another question, What about the Job?

The long story is too long, so here are the cliff notes.

I still need to find a place to hang my hat. The best way to describe my problem is that at the moment I am like a realtor who can sell real estate, but until I hook up with a broker, I can't sell anything.

And that means there is no cash coming in the door. Well, just about none, for me that is.

So yesterday I had to do something quite painful, I sent my assistant off to work with one of my best friends and business associates. We have been working together for 12 years now, but I can't continue to pay out money with nothing heading in the door.

I had worked out this plan in case the AZ thing came through, and she won't miss a day of work, or any drop in pay. The commute goes from 2 miles to 20, but it's the best I could do.

The big company and I have settled any financial issues so that I did not lose any money that was due me. I'll have to write them a check to cover the last of my assistant's pay, but that's normal.

I'll get stuck with a six or seven hundred dollar moving bill and I'll have the balance of my furniture moved back into my office.

Meanwhile I look out my window at the blossoms.

I am disappointed that the three main slime from my office are still with the company.

But if there is any feeling of personal satisfaction it came the other day when one of the guys I work with there told me that Head Slime was packing up and moving his stuff out of the corner office.A couple of days ago he announced at a meeting of all the agents that "yes he was still staying with the company, but no, he would no longer be running the day to day affairs of the offices in our region."

He then had the nerve to single me out as the person who caused our region to be audited, and then told the group that he needed to know if they could be trusted. Funny thing about people like him, they have no grip on reality. Our office got auited because management was cheating.

Plain and simple, that's the reason.The other reality is that he can trust some of the people who still work there to report back to me and then if I get angry enough, I pick up the phone and call the home office. So far they have listened.

So what's next?

I've got a lot of residual anger about being lied about in public. My integrity was attacked and I'm having a hard time following the advice to "just let it go."

Meanwhile, track season is in full swing.

But then yesterday, at 5:28 pm, I got a call at the office from a frantic spouse.

"Do you know someone with a video camera? I need you to find someone and then go pick up the camera and bring it to me downtown."[Note to self: Driving to downtown on a good day takes 30 minutes from the office. I'm suppose to "find someone" with a video camera with a charged battery, an empty tape, and get "downtown" in 30 minutes.]

I suggest that it's not possible.

"JUST TRY!"

Assistant to the rescue, and I have to confess that her husband had the best line of the day. He yelled out to me that if I had called earlier I could have gotten the "employee" discount.

Fortunately we have a good relationship. I called him a son-of-a-bitch (my endearing name for him ever since he got his wife pregnant with their first child) and ran out the door with the camera.

I walked out the door at 5:55 and called the spouse and asked if this was really necessary, since I'd be late. She assured me that the line was long and they could move back to the end if necessary.

Line?

What's this about anyway.

Well, it seems that one of the big 3 TV stations in the area was having an audition for an internship for a reporter position at the station. Seeing how the boy is getting lots of air time on the local cable channel doing the high school sports reporting, his mother just figured it was the right thing to do.

Only thing is, you had to have a demo tape to get into the audition.

Over a thousand people showed up, and all but 350 or so had to leave because they had no tape.

I shot the boy doing an interview about the audition in front of the TV station and handed it to him as he ran back into line. The guy at the door said it was a tape and they let him in.

Next news at 5:00pm on Monday.

He made it into the final 50, and they announce the final 10 on the news next Monday.

I left them smiling at the station doors and drove off in a hurry to meet up with a friend from the health club.

He knew I was a bit bored with life lately so he offered to take me out last night on his shift as a plain-clothes detective. As we wandered through the night he passed me off as an undercover cop.

Now I've been just about everything.